do i cry? or shake my fist? maybe a high five?

I just turned in 3 of my 4 papers. The last one is due next week.

I am struggling to know which I should do...cry out of relief or dance on the table. I have never so fully engaged myself in my academic pursuits as I just did in writing those papers. During college, after I turned in papers, I usually forgot about it. It was like a paperweight (think the size of one of those 2 pound weights you can strap onto your ankles) was lifted off my shoulders and I went on my merry way. Don't get me wrong, it was always nice to get the corrections, but I never worried about it. I never felt a deep connection to what I had written. Bad grades weren't a reflection of my intelligence. They were simply a reflection of the time I spent on the paper. And in college, no paper took that much time. It couldn't. There were too many other things to do. Like go to Smart Cookie. And football games. And dates with cute boys. And dances.

But this time is different.

I feel like I just turned in my soul. Dissected my intellect and put it onto a plate for my professors and external examiner to devour. What if it's not good enough? What if I failed?

I don't know. That was the best that I could put onto paper. It was the best research I have done in my life. And if that's not good enough...well, maybe I'm just not cut out for this. But I finished them. And for now, I guess that will have to be enough.

just let it be.

after reading the news and being slightly discouraged, I feel a little like giving up.

there are children starving.  mad men murdering. and a whole lot of bombs going off in the Middle East.

let's just let it all tank.

"FIRST, though," i thought,  "i need to go to costco and get my year's supply."

"but then we can let it melt."

however, a little song on the radio reminded me of something important....

Don't get me wrong, the song was depressing, Broken Strings, by James Morrison and Nelly Furtado.  

Oh it tears me up

I tried to hold but it hurts too much

I tried to forgive but it's not enough

to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings

You can't feel anything

That your heart don't want to feel

I can't tell you something that ain't real

it's the line-I tried to forgive but it's not enough- that really caught my attention and snapped me back into reality.  

because it's wrong.  so completely and utterly wrong.  and all the economy is dead, there is no such thing as goodness, peace is hopeless, and your life will never matter naysayers want you and me to believe that.  

I refuse to believe it.

every one of us has been promised endless treasure, gifts, blessings, and more happiness than we know how to receive by one simple act.

the atonement.

when the world seems to spin out of control, we can be grounded.  when the world seems full of hate, we can see the love.  when the world seems full of trials, we can feel the blessings.  and when loved ones hurt us, we can forgive and love again.  because with God, all things are possible.

So buck up my friends!  put our shoulders to the wheel!  

and remember the incredible love and support we have in a Father in a Heaven, and the sacrifice that has already been made to assure our eternal happiness and joy, 

on this earth and beyond.

procrastination.

i have 4 research papers to do. each are about 12-14 pages each. instead of writing them, i am writing this blog post.

i'm naughty.

anyway, about 2 weeks ago i went to london for an ODI conference (overseas development institute). Jeffrey Sachs spoke about his millenium development villages and a discussion followed.  i was surrounded by bigwigs in development who asked great questions and provided thoughtful discussion.  i learned so much.  but i won't lie, the highlight was listening to Mr. Sachs.  i read his book before i came here (it was a Christmas present from B).  his book was SO motivating and he was no different in person.  i'm glad i went.

and then i took the tube and the train home.  sometimes i feel a little touristy by doing this, but i grabbed a little photo in the tube. 

it's just so....british!

i guess i should go back to writing.

much love,

a

lost in translation

I just received this email- and it make me chuckle a bit.

I have just checked the STORE/BIKE SHED.

Please remember to label all your items you wish to keep
BY MONDAY 08/12/08

I will be clearing all bikes toys pushchairs boxes and all items without a name and flat number on them

They will go straight into the skip.

Regards Gwen

"Pushchairs" "flat" and "Skip"

is that even English? what is a skip? I can see the other two..and I assume it's garbage-but how is that in any way like garbage?

oh the brits. you gotta love them.

group woes resolved

Just in case you were wondering, I have a group now for my group project. Yay! It turns out I wasn't the only one who hadn't made connections yet.

I am meeting with Lamin from Gambia and Uni (I don't know where he's from yet) tomorrow.

So exnay on the isolation.

Oh...Branden had his first day of work today. I'll let him report on how it went (I don't know yet anyway).

Education...what now?

My brother wrote a great post about education here.... and this is my response.

As far as educational inequality and inequality of opportunity...
I believe the inequality in opportunity starts even before the students reach school age. It seems that a huge problem is actually in the home. Many parents don't realize the importance of education, and children, because of their inexperience, don't realize the importance of education until it is too late (in their own mind at least). In our conversations with Melinda, it seems that a great deal of her students are not successful because their parents don't put any value or importance on their education. (This is only an observation and not a proved statistic, so I could be wrong.)

As far as school and teacher quality, there are programs (see New York Teach and Teach for America) in place that attempt to put recent college grads or successful professionals in cities or schools that normally do not attract quality teachers. I do not know if this is enough. But it's definitely a program that is attempting to equalize the opportunities and education available to ALL students. It could be possible that we should be looking towards private organizations and individuals to alleviate problems rather than trying to overhaul the whole educational system.

The previous thought process runs along the lines of your idea of transferring educational responsibility to the states. Smaller organizations are usually more efficient and the problem of education might be solved better if 50 seperate organizations were each practicing a different solution, with greater opportunities to learn from eachother.

In regards to No Child Left Behind, in a recent statement to congress, Bill Gates (in speaking for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation's research) stated that the program, though it had its faults, had greatly improved education. So it could be that No Child Left Behind just needs a few tweaks rather than throwing it out.

Privatizing education (or partially privatizing it) may have some positive effects. If we privatized education, students might be able to have a better choice in their education. By better choice however, I am not thinking about actual 'ranking in school' or test scores, but rather a choice in a variety of specialty schools. If a student is interested in music, they can attend a school that emphasizes music. If the student was interested in machinery, there would be a school that had a better mechanic program. However, even then, I wonder if that would be the result of privatization. Privatization may only further divide schools and students from one another in equality of opportunity. Students with low incomes would continually receive a worse education and school would continue to struggle with funding.

There are my thoughts, John. So what do you think?

P.S. My brother is so smart and I am so proud of him. He makes the family look good.

do it. you will be happy.

warning- this is a shameless plug. but you should read it. and listen to NPR.

Dear bloggers,

I understand that you are a busy crowd with children, jobs, friends, family and a continual change of addresses that makes it hard to continue your education (and for me to keep track of you). I understand.

However...I must tell you... there is a way to gain knowledge and continue whatever tasks that you are currently required to complete. You can listen to National Public radio! You may be groaning right now... You may start thinking of names to call me such as old fogie, liberal fool, or overeducated hippie. But I must ask you to withhold those names until you have tried it yourself.

NPR has an amazing variety of information for every type of listener, and best of all, each program ranges from 5-20 minutes, just long enough to be interesting , and short enough to keep your attention.

Do you love music? peruse their music section. You can find interviews with up and coming musicians, spotlights on those who are in the twilight of their career, or explanations and analyzations of life-changing performances. Interviews with P-Diddy, Sheryl Crowe, and Kathleen Edwards (don't know who she is? go listen!) are available for enjoyment.

Do you like politics (or just need some help understanding the big fuss)? Find interviews with incredible professors, staticians, and politicians who are analyzing and changing the face of our government. Find out what economists think about the economy and what politicians 'really' think we should do about it. Trying to decide how you feel about an issue? Don't worry, NPR provides well-crafted interviews with experts from both sides of the political divide.

Are you looking for a good book? NPR has listeners provide book reviews that are honest and entertaining... and best of all, many reviews are from readers like you and me.

And finally, one of my favorites...the program 'This I believe', outstanding essays written by listeners on their own personal credos. You will find nothing more inspiring, honest, or interesting in entertainment today.

So. Friends. family. fellow bloggers. listen to NPR. You will be smarter and more intellectually stimulated because of it.

Love,

your ever vigilant educational opportunist-Amanda