where we are

pictures taken in the hamptons a few weeks ago....

i've failed to update here on how we are doing more than a splattering of photos every week or so.  so here's a glimpse behind the scenes.

branden and amanda: branden is still working a lot.  but we are working on how to find a better balance.  (i think that's what we are all trying to do?) he wants to succeed in his career and has a sense of pride and ownership in what he does every day.  however, we are trying to balance that with feeling the same sense of ownership and love for his family. and time.  oh that slippery object that never stands still.  recently i read a book (i think it was 'lean in') where the author explains that your job will always want more time.  meaning-it's up to you to decide at what point you are going to go home and be done every day. so branden is working hard at finding that balance. he still enjoys his calling at church and finds time between it all to read. we spend many hours pontificating the state of the mariners (ok, he mostly talks at me.  i nod.)  he's happy. his great regret right now is no longer being able to go to the gym.  lucky for me he's still a handsome man.

i am continuing to do my best to keep our kids entertained and busy.  i stopped running about a month ago due to the kids getting colds and being unable to have them stay in the playroom at the gym (i'm so thoughtful like that-trying not to spread germs).  then with traveling it just ended up being a long time. it's been a nice break.  but i have 4 weeks until my next 5k so this week i'm going to start up strong again.  plus with the rain, i'm guessing it will be a welcome break from our little apartment for the kiddies.  the mouse in our house a month ago made it feel like the walls were closing in and my life was ending (dramatic much?!) but as soon as he was caught i had a sudden increased appreciation for our home.  we've spent a lot of money and hours trying to make it a space where we feel relaxed, safe, and loved.  and i think we accomplished that. it's nice to feel it again.  we've had some long and hard discussions about leaving new york.  it's expensive, the job is a lot of hours, the schooling for the kids.  i may have had a breakdown when it all started (ok.  i did).  i love our life here, our friends, the opportunities that are around every corner.  but i've come to a peace about the whole process.  wherever our family lands, we will find our happiness. the true joy of life comes from having one another. and lucky for me, the process has stalled so we still have quite a bit of time here.  i like to think that inner peace came from the realization that we can be happy anywhere-but it might have come from the relief of knowing we are staying a bit longer. :)  there are weeks where i struggle with patience with hugo (henrietta isn't to an age of frustration...yet) and i am still trying to figure out if it's me that's different from week to week or them.  i'd like to think that i'm getting more patience, but sometimes i just wonder if hugo and i are finally figuring out how to communicate.  i find that this parenting gig is a give and take.  it takes both me and the kids having the patience and desire to listen and understand one another.

hugo: there were a few weeks there in august where i was getting out of the house as much as possible to try to give hugo and myself the space we needed.  i struggled trying to figure out how to help him understand that throwing toys/objects in the house (mostly at his sister) was not a good decision. it was like his brain turned off and his body just started jerking his arm in different directions after being home for longer than 30 minutes.  somehow, this week, we seemed to have moved past this phase.  he's helpful.  cooperative.  wants to play together. read together. sing together. i don't know if it's the fact that he's grown out of it, or that he has just spent 3 weeks traveling to places where there's more space to run. but i'm enjoying it. he never stops talking. and every day there are new phrases he is trying and new things he is trying to communicate.  he's a free spirit with more energy to explore than i sometimes know how to handle. but i love his independence and excitement for life.  any sadness he ever feels is short lived and shallow.  i'm grateful for his buoyant spirit.  

henrietta: has hit a phase where her personality is blooming.  she squeals with excitement.  nods an emphatic yes to life, and dives into strangers arms. (seriously.  she reaches for strangers on the subway.  sometimes to my embarrassment).  she loved crawling around outside at my parents home.  she had no qualms about touching and climbing on everything she could get her hands on.  she is engaging in conversation more and more, babbling with a purpose you might say.  i don't know how to explain it, but having a little girl has been so different than a boy. she surprises me at times with her attachment and fierce love of her family. while it was always obvious that hugo cared for us, it was with a sense of independence. and he did not like touching.  henrietta has no problems voicing her opinion over who holds her and cuddling up to her favorite person.  yet, she is still independent and has no problems being left with a babysitter.  i'm finding myself being much more affectionate with both of my children as a result of henrietta.  (hugo always has scooted away or pulled my hand off if i tried to sit close or touch him.  funny boy needs his space). now i'm finding myself cuddling up with both kids and i'm grateful for my little girl who has demanded that from me.

i have quite a bit of catching up to do for the month of september, so i'll be backdating some posts to then.  but i figured i should try to capture where our little family is at this moment.  we have much to be grateful for.