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| attempt to get a group shot at the park last week. ha! |
it's love sweet love right?
our little family has been incredibly blessed to be surrounded by wonderful friends to spend our time with. moving into this next phase of life with an incredible support system has changed us all and enriched our lives in so many ways.
the last few days i have been a little under the weather-not physically, but emotionally. i'm guessing a lot of it has to do with the fact that branden has been working quite a bit and i haven't had a chance to let him talk me out of my doldrums. and the extra hormones surging through my body.
and now to the doldrums. normally i am blessed with a healthy lack of guilt-i'm usually able to talk myself out of feeling guilty for things i cannot control or for not going above and beyond in my various responsibilities of life (think having homemade baby food for hugo or handmaking toys/parties/etc.) however, i have had quite a bit of guilt over the last few days-mostly to do with relationships. i wish i could do more-i wish i could adequately serve the women i care about and let them know how lucky i am to have their friendship. i helped plan a friend's baby celebration a week ago and things didn't quite go as planned. and i wanted things to be just perfect for her and i just didn't quite make it happen. in another unrelated vein, i worry that in my attempts to strengthen friendships i have inadvertently left others out or made them feel neglected. which hurts my heart.
and i have begun to wonder if i should be doing more in my responsibilities. i am beginning to wish i could do more for our little den of cub scouts. as silly as it sounds-i sincerely want the boys to be excited about cub scouts-about making goals and achieving them. i hope that their few hours with us is fun, educational, and uplifting and want them to feel loved. and i'm not sure that they do. wrangling a bunch of 11 year old boys requires a strictness that i don't always enjoy or feel comfortable with. and i worry that we are losing the boys as a result. *sigh*
but i guess that is what life is all about. coming to grips with our various shortcomings. let go of what we cannot change and have the humility and endurance to try to improve what we know we can. and lucky for me, that's where the first paragraph of this post comes in. i'm lucky enough to be surrounded by friends who have shown a patience and love for me as i work through all these shortcomings. so that while i know that i'm far from perfect-i do know that i am perfectly loved. so thanks friends and family for being a safe haven-a community in which i know that i can continue to work on my unfinished soul.
You have such a fun little group of "life matches" here in the city and it always makes me smile to see photos of them all together. You will have such stories to tell with your adventures with wee babes around the city. And it's fun tha a few of you are adding new additions at similar times too! Makes it even more
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to how you feel. This city can kick your butt when it comes maintaining relationships, and you really really have to work at them to keep them. I've tried to be a little less hard on myself lately (you'll have to when you add one more!) and remind myself that it's ok to have god friends, because good friends here are more like family. And chances are, they'll leave soon, or you'll leave them. So don't stress about everyone else. Take care of your family first, keep your good friends close, (they are your first line if defense when daddy is not around), and reach out to others when you can. You are a wonderful friend, and you have nothing to worry about.